Two .. It was always us two.
Jamie and Teddy who remind me so much of us when we were younger, are the new two.
Two, the first number of your number, Two-One.
Two years since you left us.
I can’t get the call out of my head when I was told. I can’t get the pictures out of my head when I got back home of our family absolutely heartbroken, of everyone from home and from NH crying uncontrollably. Can’t get the line at the funeral home, what was it ? 2K deep? Yeah, definitely can’t get that out of my head. I can’t get walking you down the aisle and laying you to rest out of my head.
But more importantly i’ll forever be unable to get the memories of my head. Years of fucking around in Gardencrest, coming up with new games to beat your ass in. Hermit crab races. Going to smackdown with Barry Bird and your dad. (Cracker Jaccccck !) Pretending we’re NSync in the basement, You and Rowland pretty much giving me a concussion in knee hockey, then you, him and Cappa saving my life (for real not a joke.) Notre Dame, You running outside and puking after we took probably the most disgusting shot I’ve still ever taken in my life with you for your 21st down in Myrtle. (Appreciate it McGinnis)
And so many more that I will never forget.
I’ve been lost since we lost you.
Down here in NC, friends moved back home or all throughout the country since I graduated, our family back home in MA. I can’t go visit you everyday. I can’t be home today for you, I can’t run (lightly jog, probably walk) the road race for you. I can’t be there for your mom, your dad, Juju, because I’m down here and it fucking KILLS me. Everyday without you does.
I haven’t been asked how I’ve been doing or asked anything related to you by my friends, our friends, your friends and I’m not sure if they’re uncomfortable asking/talking about you or if they already, I guess not “forgot” about you but “moved on” and choose to remember one day every year. I really hope it’s not the latter.
Whichever it is, that’s fine. I mean I understand, what can you really say? Death happens everyday, I’ve just never experienced it like this, having it be someone so close to me. Sometimes I just honestly don’t know how to cope, it sucks so much.
People might hate the constant posts of you, the pictures, but you deserve to be remembered and I won’t let anyone forget you.
Although sometimes it feels like I am alone, I know you’re with me .. But for fuck sake will you give me a sign every now and then? Id appreciate it.
I love you man, we’ll always be together.
Always, us two.